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Funny Quotes
- Stephen Colbert & His Gut!
- Jimmy Kimmel Talking About Conan Going To TBS
- Steve Martin Oscars Quote
- Conan Announces New TBS Show On Twitter
- Chris Rock On Alicia Keys and “That Look”
“Conan O’Brien today announced that he will not go to Fox — he will instead move his show to a cable channel — TBS. Then later in the day, Jay Leno announced that he will also move his show to TBS.” – Jimmy Kimmel
(more ...)“The good news: I will be doing a show on TBS starting in November! The bad news: I’ll be playing Rudy on the all new Cosby Show.” – Conan O’Brien
(more ...)“I am happy to co-host the Oscars with my enemy Alec Baldwin” – Steve Martin
(more ...)“You never know when Alicia Keys might give you that look. What are you going to do? You’re powerless,” … “He’s like, ‘This is worth getting hit with another golf club” – Chris Rock
(more ...)“I don’t care about facts. I gut-check my show. I say, ‘Gut, does that feel true to you?’ and Gut says, ‘Yes it does, Stephen! Let’s get a grilled-cheese sandwich!’ ” – Stephen Colbert
(more ...)The Tonight Show with Jay Leno – Steve Carell, Jane Lynch, Gina Yashere, and Michael Palascak
Writer Mike Lynch is filling in for Bald Bryan today. Adam explains that at one point he worked the sound board, but when he went on his honeymoon, Bryan took over. Now he’s reclaiming his rightful place on the SFX board, and he plays several parody songs that he and Dick Banks wrote together once Bryan took over the job.
The top news story involves LeBron James deciding to go to Miami next season. Teresa teases Adam about his comments that tall people don’t live as long, and they are reminded of their very tall guest Brad Garrett, who was on the show last night. Moving forward, Mel Gibson is in deep water again for several bigoted remarks about latinos, and Adam wonders if maybe in Australian culture, these horrible words don’t mean the same thing. Adam concludes that we are actually not as racist in the US as they are in other places in the world, and they all wonder if people will continue to see his movies.
After some brief conversation about the Emmy nominations, the guys from Schmoes Know movie reviews return to offer their thoughts on various summer blockbusters. Adam wants to know more about the epic flop of Knight and Day, but the guys say that the failure is not the actor’s fault. They also talk about The Last Airbender, and conclude that this could be one of the worst summers for movies ever. There are some bright lights on the horizon, and Adam can’t wait to have a marijuana medstrip and go see The Expendables with ESPN’s Sports Guy Bill Simmons.
Adam takes several calls for a round of Mr. Brightside. One guy recently hit a bum with his car, and another is bummed that he’s had to move from San Diego to Kentucky. Another caller is upset that he’s about to become a radio co-host with Danny Bonaduce, and the final caller owes a quarter of a million in back-taxes. Adam tries his best to make everyone feel better about their current situations.
The last part of the news deals with Lindsay Lohan selling her first post-jail interview. Apparently she won’t take less than $1 million, and Adam thinks it’s because she’s broke. Even though she gets paid to make club appearances, that’s not enough to pay the bills. The Schmoes Knows guys offer their thoughts on the new Linda Lovelace biopic that she will be starring in, and before they wrap up the show, Teresa jumps into a double-round of Germany or Florida.
To see the Schmoes Know film reviews, visit their page at:http://www.youtube.com/schmoesknow
Executive Producer: Donny Misraje
Producer: Angie Fitzsimmons
Writer: Mike Lynch
Audio: Mike Dawson
Production Engineer: Logan Moy
Search: Katie Levine
Build and Edit: Katie Levine
Phones: Brian Myer
Show Summary: Matt Fondiler
One morning at a doctor’s clinic, a patient arrives complaining of serious back-pain. The doctor examines him and asks him” OK, what happened to your back?”
The patient replies “You know that I work for a local night club? This morning I got home to my apartment early and heard a noise in my bedroom. On entering I knew someone had been with my wife and the balcony door was open. I rushed out the balcony door and did not find anyone. As I looked down from the balcony I saw a man running out and he was dressing himself. I grabbed the fridge and threw it at him, that’s how I strained my back”
The 2nd patient arrives looking as if he has been in a car wreck. The doctor said “My previous patient looked bad, but you look terrible. What the hell happened to you?”
He replied, “You know I have been unemployed for a while now .Today was the first day at my new job. I forgot to set my alarm and was running late. I was running out of the building, getting dressed at the same time, and you won’t believe it but I was hit by a fridge.”
The 3rd patient arrives; he looks even worse than the other two Patients do. The doctor is shocked. Again asks, “What the hell happened to youuuuuu…..?”
“Well I was sitting in a fridge & someone threw it from the 3rd floor…….
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